Every Stupid Moment
Gratitude.
Such a powerful thing.
The American Psychological Association defines gratitude as “ a sense of thankfulness and happiness in response to receiving a gift, either a tangible benefit (e.g., a present, favor) given by someone or a fortunate happenstance (e.g., a beautiful day).” Being grateful gives us a sense that things are working out for us. It fends off feelings of victimization, empowering us and improving our sense of confidence and self-worth.
There are a great deal of scientific studies and documentation as of late that demonstrate that gratitude is more than just a momentary good feeling. In the past two decades specifically, there is a growing body of evidence that practicing gratitude has measurable benefits to our mental, physical and social health. The Greater Good Science Center at University of California in Berkeley even states that gratitude is the “social glue” secret that nurtures and builds strong social connections and relationships.
Violet says that Thanksgiving is her least favorite holiday. “It’s boring,” she stated yesterday as she snuggled up to her uncle on the couch. “We don’t do anything.”
“You mean you don’t get anything.”
“Well, don’t you think Christmas is better?”
“It’s about taking time to recognize what you already have, Violet.”
I tried to quell the frustration in my voice that Violet, of all people, wasn’t recognizing the value of taking time for gratitude. I don’t think there are many people in the world with as many concrete reasons as we have to be grateful.
But it isn’t just about what you already have. Gratitude extends beyond the now and opens channels to more abundance. Our brains are tricky constructions – they don’t know the difference between what’s actually happening to us and what we think is happening. Feeling grateful about something within a greater context can “trick” our brains into thinking that events have already happened to validate that feeling of receiving.
For example, there are studies that have proven that by acknowledging appreciation for the body in a general sense, such as how lucky we feel that we wake up every morning and can take nourishing breaths into our lungs, use our legs to move around the world, use the strength of our arms to hold our children, our brains then communicate with the cells that we are healthy and strong, and enhance the physiological processes in our body to mirror that expectation. We, in turn, become stronger and healthier on a cellular level.
Gratitude encourages us to stay in the flow. Because feeling appreciation is a positive and empowering feeling, we in turn approach the world around us with more positive expectation and action. When we feel thankful, we often feel encouraged to do kindnesses for others and for ourselves -eating more nourishing foods, taking care of ourselves, and promoting the wellness of others.
Gratitude is a practice, and one that has served my life in ways I cannot express. When I get too far out in the weeds, I try to imagine what it would be like to be suddenly thrown “into life” as an experiment. Pretend you only get one day on earth to breath and eat and play and touch, so here you are…BAM! Into this body, this life, right in the middle of this mess. What are you going to do with it?
Grateful for every moment.
It’s what got me through Violet’s treatment. It’s what gets me through every day. A deep, practiced sense of good fortune. How lucky I am to be here, to be mixing it up with all these people, to be navigating this world in this body with all this material to make it meaningful.
It continues to serve me, especially now. Yesterday our family celebrated our Thanksgiving with food and wine and fabulous company. But I felt like garbage, having drank too much wine the day before with my mom and sister-in-law. After all, I have been watching what I eat and drink for the past month, and it was a holiday, and dammit I was going to ENJOY it. But I paid the price more than expected, and day two of celebrating was another annihilation on all the good work I have been doing for my health as of late.
But I was grateful. I was grateful that I had real tactile evidence that making better health choices is worth it. It hasn’t been sacrifice these past few weeks; it has been healing and nourishing. I was grateful, too, to see the power of my own choices, and to be motivated to make better ones moving forward for my own reasons, not someone else’s “shoulds”.
I was also just really grateful to be alive. To have had an excuse to indulge. To be able to get back up today and start again. To be able to get up at all.
I don’t ever forget where we have come from. It is a beautiful backdrop to our lives, constantly keeping me alert enough to acknowledge how precious this all is. But my gratitude isn’t guilt – it’s appreciation. It’s an acknowledgement that we always, alwayshave that available to us. We can always choose gratitude. I have never felt more thankful in my entire life than I did in that hospital room every time doctor came in to treat my daughter, every time a nurse soothed her anxieties, every time a friend sent a word of acknowledgement, a gift, a message of support and love.
We only ever have today, but we can transform our experience of it simply by putting our attention on to the things we feel thankful for. And there is always something. There is always everything, really, because this crazy life doesn’t last long and then, maybe, we get an eternity to reflect on how amazing it all was. How messy. How beautiful.
Ok ok, barf. I get it. But you try it – once you start paying attention, it gets hard not to get on a roll. As Kevin Spacey says at the end of American Beauty:
“It’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much, my heart flips like a balloon that’s about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold onto it. And then it flows through me like rain, and I can’t feel anything but gratitude – for every single moment of my stupid, little life.”
And I do, ever stupid moment.