#GivingTuesday

Today is the Day of Giving (#GivingTuesday), a national movement meant to encourage giving back – to individuals, charities, communities in need.

I wasn’t even aware of this day until yesterday. The Ronald McDonald House has been working on promotions for this day, featuring new friends we’ve made at the house that have similar stories to our own - sharing them with the world to encourage support and understanding.

As soon as I heard about this day, I was inspired to get on board. What a wonderful concept, after the consumerism promoted throughout Black Friday weekend. A great balancing act to remind us of the importance of generosity and love.

But it’s a strange position we are in this year, and one that constantly makes me re-evaluate my perspective on things. This year, we aren’t in the position we normally are to give. This year, we aren’t watching advertisements on TV about donating to places like BC Children’s Hospital or the Ronald McDonald House to support families during the holiday season. We are, in fact, one of those families, asked instead to share our story from inside the walls.

And as I’ve written before, receiving just isn’t exactly comfortable for me.

There is a rhythm and flow to everything (to everything, turn, turn turn…), and a dualistic nature to things. In order for someone to give, there needs to be something that receives. 

Matt and I have spoken so many times about how we can possibly give back in a way that feels right. That feels like enough. We have been so humbled and overwhelmed throughout this journey at the ways in which people have shown such outrageous generosity. How is there even a way to make that right? To “pay back” each individual that has, in ways they will never even know, made this a voyage we can navigate.

Guilt slips in at the seams. I can’t help it. It’s pervasive and real, and attached to a sincere desire not to take things for granted. Why don’t I pick up the phone more often? Why don’t I send thank you cards and messages and more words of thanks and love? Is it just an excuse that my hands are full and time flies by each day? Would it be possible to fit in more activities in my day that “give back”?

Couldn’t we all just do a little more?

Of course we could. Always. We could do a million things. There are infinite ways to use our time. But how we should use it is not an easy thing to answer.

Truth be told, I never wanted to accept anything from anybody from the beginning of this. It’s the guilt. The fear of not being able to “give back” appropriately, or show appreciation significantly enough. But then I look at my daughter, lying on her hospital bed, blood and mucous caked in the cracks of her lips, and I know that I can’t let my ego get in the way of others taking care of her, too. 

We all need to take care of each other.

GivingTuesday means so much to me this year, not just because it is supporting efforts to help keep my family going through this, but because it is a demonstration of a general approach to humanity we all need to nurture these days. It’s the act of giving – the energy behind the effort – that we all need to keep going. We don’t need to define it, or quantify it, or justify it. We just need to feel it, and live in it – that place where generosity is second nature, and we trust that ebb and flow.

I know I have a lifetime to “give back”, and I know that my role right now is to be the safe, steady energy that supports all of us on this end. Giving isn’t always about dollars, or donations, though they often have more impact than we realize. What it is about is an open heart (not a guilty one) – a willingness to share, and know that in doing so, the universe shares its gifts with us, too.

Violet is in the thick of an unimaginable round of treatment, plagued by mucositis that is almost too painful to put into words. It’s real, and it’s awful, and it requires extreme vigilance as a mother to stay in a place of positivity and keep the fear at bay. And yet, just knowing that there are generous hearts out there, willing to give us their thoughts and hearts, even for a moment, keeps the tank full. Full enough to tackle another day.

For those today thinking of “giving back”, know that in whatever way you may take action today, you are making a difference. Money is money, gifts are gifts, but generosity as an attitude is a powerful stream carrying us all forward together.

Today is a bit of a rant (it’s tough to communicate things clearly without a lot of sleep), but one that comes from the heart. Today I am grateful. Today I am inspired by the generosity in this world. Today I am hopeful that humanity can put more focus on celebrating things like these – ways in which we can be more open, loving, kind and generous. And although today my Giving will be in the form of positive energy for my healing daughter, I will give it all I’ve got.