Share Your Wins

“You know what is so lame? These idiots posting their Fitbit stats and sweaty selfies all over Facebook. Why don’t people just celebrate their wins without the ego show?”

My husband has an innate way of making me cringe, at the world, at him, and at myself.

“Is it that lame, though? Because…that’s kind of me. Like, all the time.”

Pause. “You know what I mean.”

My defenses cause my pulse to rise and words to catch at the base of my throat. But I don’t say anything. Because part of me totally agrees. Part of me always agrees with his somewhat cynical, too-cool-for-school approach to the world.

I’m not a salesperson. I am, however, a marketer. By profession. By personality. I like the idea of crafting a story and sharing it with others to express value and connect ideas. I love the way that, despite how much we (my husband) want to deny it, there is something to be said for eating a burger at a restaurant that has put in the effort to share where the meat has come from, how the owners built their establishment, who the chef is that painstakingly placed those microgreens on top of the patty to give your unique meal care and attention. To my husband, what matters is the price. The quantity. The quality to a certain degree, enough that he knows they care, but not enough to bother with any extraneous verbiage on the menu to suggest he should pay 15 dollars more than McDonald’s just for the pretentious description.

Just give me the meat. Just do your workout and be done with it. Just keep your crap – your stories – to yourself because… who cares?

That’s the thing I keep realizing about myself, over and over – I care. I want the story. I feed off of it – off of others’ experiences, off of the context behind the content. To me, that’s life. That’s the meat of things. That’s what we are here for.

I’m one of those people that posts my sweaty selfies. Yes, it’s self-indulgent. Absolutely no question there. That’s essentially what social media is – self-indulgence and promotion. Call it whatever you like, but at the core, that’s what it’s there for. To make us feel important.

But that doesn’t mean that’s the only purpose it serves, and it doesn’t mean that every “social share” deserves an eyeroll. Or maybe they all do to some people. Because that’s how it works out there – there are always trolls ready and waiting to rip you apart.

But what about the people out there that find motivation, drive and meaning when they come across an inspirational story? We all brag about things, especially on Facebook. “Look at my kid! Look at my dinner I made! Look at my graduation certificate and new car and work promotion!”

Yesterday both of my daughters tried their hand at Jiu Jitsu. They took separate back-to-back trial classes. The eldest, Violet, first, then my younger one, Lucy. Violet was amazing, braving the session with only boys, battling anxiety and showing up like a champ. But when Lucy took the stage, she owned the show. Took every single competitor with experience down, first try, first go.

“I beat everybody, Mommy,” she said after the lesson.

“Stop bragging, Lucy,” Violet quickly retorted.

“I’m not bragging. I’m just proud.”

Yes.

That’s marketing, not sales. She wasn’t trying to sell herself to anyone. She was just proud. She knew she did a good job and she wanted to share that. And she should. Why not? It mattered to me and she knew it.

“Ignore her if it bothers you.”

Because we can do that if we choose to - ignore those who seem like they are in our face, selling us their stories, trying to push some agenda. In Violet’s case, I get it. Her sister made her feel small and unsuccessful. But that’s the world – that’s what Facebook can do. Make us feel like we aren’t achieving enough. Aren’t as good as the other guy. Aren’t valuable or worth it.

Isn’t that what’s underneath it all? The judgments of others? The eyerolling and cringing? Because why else would we care? Let other people do their thing. If it’s irrelevant, we won’t even notice. But if we are paying attention – if it’s bothering us what other people are promoting – maybe it’s worth considering why.

I’ve blocked people in the past because I just can’t stand to see any more of their self-promotion. And, really, I think that’s ok. Because we get to choose what channels we dial into. But what I did notice after a while is that the people I was blocking were the people that kept reminding me that I wasn’t doing the things I intended to, and that they were. They were making me feel small instead of empowered.

Wait, change that. I was making myself feel small by what I interpreted the message to be. “Look at me – I’m doing great! You should be too, but you’re NOT. Shame.”

Jeez, Violet, you can’t flip four big boys with yellow belts on their backs without breaking a sweat your first time out? Shame. I mean, really.

Something has changed in me over the years. Or maybe I’ve just acknowledged who I really am at the core. I may get critical and judgey just like everyone else – self-conscious and embarrassed, terrified of criticism – but at the core I do actually think everyone has something to offer someone and that if they don’t share it, no one will discover it.

I say post that selfie. Screw the haters. Own your achievements. Spread the word. Be the embarrassing goof that dares to be criticized for the things they are most proud of. Own it. Own it all. Shout it from the rooftops. Why not? The only people you lose are the ones that don’t really love you – that don’t really see you the way YOU do. If you are proud of yourself and someone else snubs you for it, doesn’t that just speak for itself?

I know where my hubby is coming from. He wants his achievements to be about what they really are – self-empowerment. Sincere confidence and sense of achievement, not insincere praise or “likes”. I get it, and he’s right.

But it’s the energy behind the “shares”. I don’t share my embarrassing selfies because I need the validation (ok, there is always some of that there, of course – who do I think I am?), but I do like connecting with others that might need that encouragement or connection. I have always been “cheesy”, corny, idealistic, sentimental. But I gotta say, there is nothing like the feeling of self-empowerment that comes from owning yourself in a moment especially in full awareness of the criticism of others. Haters be haters, you know what I’m sayin’? Let them be whatever they need to be. We are all human, and none of us really know how to fully mind our own business. Facebook makes damn sure of that.

So, heading into a New Year with so many things on the mind about coaching and personal transformation and starting fresh – all of these things not only from a personal angle, but a professional one – I am trying to settle into this as much as possible. It is uncomfortable to put yourself out there. It is uncomfortable to know that others have opinions of you – of your approach to things, your agenda, your irritating attitude – but at what cost is it that we hide ourselves away in fear of being judged? And if we have discovered things about ourselves or things out in the world that light us up, it’s possible that by sharing that we open the door to others to make those same discoveries.

The number one thing I love about my work is that I am given the opportunity every day to help others discover themselves – who they are, what matters to them, what their story is and how to share it. Seeing someone build their own sense of confidence and clarity in this world is the greatest joy I know, and I have to work on it in myself, every single day. I have to push against a well-developed, deep desire for validation built up over a lifetime of fear or rejection, and because of that constant battle I recognize how important it is to intentionally build the “muscles” that allow us to be the bigger, better versions of ourselves.

Our self-indulgent world is obnoxious and exhausting. I recognize that. But we can develop skills to block out the noise, mind our own business, and acknowledge the things we seem to pay attention to – the things that matter to us and resonate with the things we want in life. You want better health? Maybe the fact that its irritating that your friend keeps posting their daily running distances is an indication that you need to put on your damn running shoes and stop making excuses.

2024 baby. Give it a go. Ignore the haters (especially if that hater is in your head). You’ve got nothing to prove, and a million things yet to be proud of.