The Boiling Point

Trump supporters try to break through a police barrier, Wednesday, Jan. 6, 2021, at the Capitol in Washington. (AP Photo/John Minchillo)

I had intended to write about a lot of different things today. I’ve had a lot of insights this week, and some progress, but then the world shifted…

Everything is in constant motion. More importantly, our own world is always undergoing change, in response to the shifting landscape without and within.

History is sure digging its heals into becoming truly unforgettable, lately. There have been so many times over the past year that I’ve sat in front of a screen and thought, “I’ll remember this day.” And today is no exception.

I could make political comments and personal statements about what all of this chaos represents to me – what side of this I’m on – but in the context of this project, I’m more inclined to consider what this is trying to say about Change. The beginning of a new year is an appropriate time for something like this to occur - the bubbling over of a conflict of perspectives that has been gaining momentum for a long time. The culmination of a crisis whose rock bottom is inevitable.

Which makes me think, is rock bottom necessary when momentum gets going too far? Is it possible to pull back the reins on something so heated, so charged, to let things evolve in a peaceful, balanced way?

I spoke with a dear friend today I hadn’t chatted with in awhile, since we have all been in lock down and distanced from one another, unable to find the same excuses to catch up we once had. Everything is changing so rapidly, and polarizing people so significantly, that it can be uneasy knowing how to even approach people you haven’t seen in awhile. What might have changed in them? Can you rely on the same old patterns of discussion, or relate in the same way, you were used to?

Luckily, this dear friend is one where differences in opinion don’t seem to rattle the relationship, so it was pretty safe territory. But our conversation, nonetheless, leaned toward politics and controversial perspectives. And as I spoke with her, and later my parents, sitting in front of the TV watching this America drama continue to unfold, I found myself once again leaning in to a viewpoint that is growing in me day after chaotic day. I find myself shrinking away from defensiveness and dispute. I want to shout from the rooftops, “What the world needs now is LOVE.” Maybe even with a spinning sandwich board sign (a tip of the hat to Pixar and their recent Masterpiece “Soul” - do yourself a favour and watch it immediately).

I am tired of trying to figure out who is right and who is wrong. It is pointless, exhausting, and if today proved anything, harmful to say the least. The more we guard ourselves against the “others” that have “got it all wrong”, the more we add to this insanity that is pulling us apart at the seams.

I love a good debate. I think rationality and logic and common sense should prevail, but we all need to take into consideration that these “sides” are coming at arguments with an entirely different set of information, backed up by entirely different sets of priorities, belief systems, and sources of data. Fake news? According to who? How do we even know who is credible anymore (I’d sure like to think I know, but I’d like to think I know a lot of things right now)?

It seems to be that the common theme that keeps popping up in every context of my life, from political chaos and morality judgment calls, to intimate relationships and personal growth, is that the less we all need people to agree with us, the better we are.

My dad said to me, when I was preaching my theory of relativism, that although it may be true that we will never all agree, we can’t all be entirely selfish. There should be certain standards of ethics, and society should support respect and caring about the welfare of one another. And my argument is that, at the core, caring about others is an inherent trait in all of us. We all want the best for the collective, when our own fears and anxieties and aggression are set aside. When the dust settles, we all want to connect, collaborate, and create a sense of community. When we aren’t pushing against the things we fear, the things we worry threaten our sense of autonomy and freedom, we want everyone to be as happy as we want ourselves to be. It is this idea that there is only so much to go around, only one right way we all need to agree upon, that keeps us from relaxing into a sense of trust and appreciation of one another.

The world is changing, constantly, and there is no end game. There never will be. There will always be diversity, disagreement, disparity, because that’s what ignites improvement and evolution. We need to stop rallying so hard against the things we don’t align with. Because the more we push, the more they push back. There is no winning an argument. No one feels good when someone else points out their faults. We come to our own insights about how we want to make things better. We can present our arguments, our point of view, our ideas about the world, but we can’t expect others to understand them or be on board. What other people think is not, really, any of our business.

So what happens when the water is too hot to cool down? We have to let it boil over. We have to let things play out because there is too much momentum to expect the forces to ease into equilibrium. The world is at a boiling point in so many ways, and as nice as it is to think we can just relax and let things gently shift in a different direction - let the kettle cool on its own - the reality is that things are going to have to get loud before someone yanks that pot off the stove.

Addicts often need to hit rock bottom before the motivation is strong enough for significant change. The world is addicted to its opinions right now. Things are going to have to collide before we realize we need to let go of our own momentum and change our point of view. The other side isn’t going to finally see it our way. But if we stop needing them to, maybe we can all realize that there is a common thread here despite our disagreements. We are all just doing the best we can, and wanting all this madness to end. We want solid ground again. I, for one, just want the kettle to stop its arrogant whistling so I can enjoy a cup of tea. How’s that for a metaphor? What the world needs now is Chamomile and a good nights sleep.